Modern Love Unfiltered: Series 17

You can love someone deeply, fiercely, and fully — but if they’re not ready, the relationship will always feel one-sided. In this raw and relatable Modern Love Unfiltered post, Sofia Winters explores the heartbreak of loving someone who emotionally, mentally, or spiritually cannot meet you halfway. Whether it’s a romantic partner or even a close friend, unavailability can leave you stuck in a cycle of hoping, waiting, and ultimately feeling invisible. Drawing from attachment theory, relationship coaching, and therapeutic insights, Sofia offers guidance on how to recognize emotional unavailability early, why we stay longer than we should, and most importantly — how to choose yourself and walk away with dignity. This is the must-read guide for anyone tired of loving someone who just can’t love them back.

RELATIONSHIP LOVE SERIES

Sofia Winters

5/20/20252 min read

Loving Someone Who Isn’t Ready: The Pain of Unavailable Love

What Emotional Unavailability Looks Like

According to Dr. Lindsay Gibson (Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents), emotionally unavailable people avoid vulnerability because it feels unsafe or overwhelming.

“They may seem charming, even loving at times, but they struggle to meet others’ emotional needs.”

In romantic relationships, it shows up as:

Fear of labels or commitment
Hot-and-cold behavior
Avoiding deep conversations
Deflecting when you talk about your feelings

In friendships, it feels like:

You initiate all contact
They disappear for long periods
They rarely show up when you need support

Why We Stay

✅ The Hope Trap
We believe “they’ll change if I just hold on.”
✅ Attachment Wounds
Those with anxious attachment tend to cling, hoping for eventual closeness (Levine & Heller, Attached).
✅ Fear of Starting Over
It feels safer to hold on to “almost” love than face the unknown.

How to Choose Yourself

✅ Recognize the Pattern
Stop confusing inconsistency for mystery or depth.

✅ Set Boundaries
Communicate your emotional needs clearly. If they won’t meet you halfway, that’s your answer.

✅ Stop Trying to Earn Their Love
Love should be mutual, not a project or performance.

✅ Grieve the Loss
Let yourself mourn what “could have been.”

✅ Walk Toward People Who Choose You
The right person will never leave you wondering if you’re loved.

You Deserve to Be Fully Loved

Loving someone who isn’t ready is exhausting. It drains your spirit and erodes your self-worth.
They may care, they may even say they love you… but actions speak louder than words.

Your job is not to convince someone to be ready.
Your job is to protect your heart and open it to someone who already is.

With love and strength,
Sofia Winters

📚 Cited Sources:

Gibson, L. (2015). Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents.
Levine, A., & Heller, R. (2010). Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment.
Twain, M. (Classic Wisdom)
Bowlby, J. (1988). A Secure Base.