The Exhausting Cycle of ‘What Did They Mean?’

The Psychology of Mixed Signals

According to Dr. Amir Levine (Attached), people with avoidant attachment styles crave closeness but fear the vulnerability it requires. They send inconsistent messages because they don’t want to lose you — or commit fully.

In friendships, mixed signals can arise from emotional immaturity or boundary issues. As Dr. Nedra Glover Tawwab notes:

“Unclear communication is a form of unclear boundaries. When someone leaves you confused, they’ve already answered your question.”

The healthiest relationships don’t confuse you. They comfort you.

Signs You’re Caught in

the Mixed Signal Trap

🚩 You overthink every text, emoji, or pause
🚩 You feel like you’re “working harder” to keep their attention
🚩 They give you just enough attention to keep you hooked
🚩 You feel more anxious than happy around them
🚩 You make excuses for their inconsistent behavior

How to Break Free and Reclaim Your Peace

✅ Stop Explaining It Away
Inconsistency is a choice. Don’t rationalize it.

✅ Watch the Behavior, Not the Words
Consistent effort speaks louder than sweet promises.

✅ Ask Directly
Set the tone for clarity. “I need consistency. Can you offer that?”

✅ Detach Emotionally
You can want someone and still choose yourself when they can’t show up fully.

✅ Don’t Chase Half-Love
As hard as it feels, walk away from ambiguity. You deserve certainty.

Consistency Is the Ultimate Green Flag

You were never meant to feel “unsteady” with someone who truly values you.
When connection is right, you won’t need to decode it.
They won’t confuse you, breadcrumb you, or make you beg for basic effort.

So next time the signals are mixed, remember: that is a message.
And your response? Choose peace over puzzles.

With fierce love,
Sofia Winters

📚 Cited Sources:

• Levine, A., & Heller, R. (2010). Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment.

• Tawwab, N. G. (2021). Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself.

• Angelou, M. (1983). Wisdom from Maya Angelou.

• Bowlby, J. (1988). A Secure Base.

They flirt, then go cold. They text at 1am but ignore your messages all day.
They say, “I really like you” — then disappear for days.
Sound familiar?

Mixed signals are still signals — and they’re often telling you: “I’m not ready, I’m not sure, or I don’t know what I want.”
The hard part? We ignore the message because we’re holding on to hope.