“But We Have a Connection!” — When That Isn’t Enough

You meet someone and something clicks. The electricity is undeniable.
But before you give your heart away, consider this: that spark could be your nervous system remembering what feels familiar — not what’s healthy.

Research by Dr. Helen Fisher shows romantic love activates brain regions associated with addiction. The euphoria we feel? It’s real — but it’s not always wise. Sometimes, chaos feels like home because that’s how we were taught to recognize love.

Therapist Vanessa Bennett reminds us, “Healthy love can feel boring if you were raised in emotional turmoil.”
That dopamine high? It might be a trauma loop.

5 Red Flags That Your

Chemistry is Masking Incompatibility

🚩 Conversations feel shallow despite the emotional pull
🚩 You justify their bad behavior because “they’ve had a hard life”
🚩 The intensity moves fast, but so do the conflicts
🚩 You often feel anxious, not at ease
🚩 You miss the person you thought they were in the beginning

Compatibility vs. Chemistry: Why They’re Not the Same

Dr. Amir Levine points out that anxious and avoidant people often mistake mixed signals for connection. You’re not bonding — you’re bracing.

The Reset: How to Choose Safe Love

Romanticize Stability — Calm is not boring; it’s safe.
Ask Better Questions — “Can we do hard things together?”
Notice Your Patterns — If chaos feels familiar, healing will feel awkward at first.
Seek Therapy If Needed — Tools like IFS and somatic healing help rewire your “type.”

You Deserve Love That

Feels Like Peace

Real love builds you — it doesn’t burn you.
The right person won’t give you butterflies that feel like anxiety.
They’ll give you space to breathe. To grow. To be.

So let’s stop calling chaos romantic and start seeing safety as sexy.
Because chemistry fades. But compatibility sustains.

With care,
Sofia Winters

📚 Cited Sources:

• Fisher, H., Aron, A., & Brown, L. L. (2005). Romantic Love: An fMRI Study. Journal of Neurophysiology, 93(1), 327–337.

• Levine, A., & Heller, R. (2010). Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment.

• Perel, E. (2006). Mating in Captivity.

• Bennett, V. (2022). Lecture Series: Breaking the Trauma Bond.